You want to date Emily, eh?
Please fill out the app. below.
===============================================
APPLICATION FOR PERMISSION TO DATE MY DAUGHTER
===============================================
NOTE: This application will be incomplete and rejected unless
accompanied by a complete financial statement, job history, lineage, and
current medical report from your doctor.
1. NAME_________________________________ DATE OF BIRTH____________
2. HEIGHT:__________ WEIGHT:__________ I.Q. _________ G.P.A._________
3. SOCIAL SECURITY#___________________DRIVER*S LICENSE # __________
4. BOY SCOUT RANK ________________________________________________
5. HOME ADDRESS_____________________CITY/STATE_________ZIP_______
6. Do you have one MALE and one FEMALE parent?________________________
7. Number of years parents married:
_____________________________________
8. Do you own a van?_____ A truck with oversized tires?_____A
waterbed?______
9. In 50 words or less, what does LATE mean to
you?________________________
________________________________________________________________________
________________________________________________________________________
10. In 50 words or less, what does DON'T TOUCH MY DAUGHTER mean to you
_________
________________________________________________________________________
________________________________________________________________________
11. In 50 words or less, what does ABSTINENCE mean to
you?________________________
________________________________________________________________________
________________________________________________________________________
12. Church you attend? ________________________ How often?
______________________
13. When would be the best time to interview your father, mother, and
priest? ____________
14. Answer by filling in the blank: pleas answer freely - all answers
are confidential ( That means
I won*t tell anyone-ever-promise).
A. If I were shot, the last place on my body I would want to be wounded
is ______________
B. If I were beaten, the last bone I would want broken is
____________________________
C. A woman*s place is in the
__________________________________________________
D. The one thing I hope this application does not ask me about is
_____________________
E. When I first meet a girl, the thing I notice about her first is
________________________
(NOTE: If answer E begins with a T or A, discontinue and leave
premises; keeping your head
low and running in a serpentine fashion is advised).
15. What do you want to be IF you grow up?
_________________________________________
I SWEAR THAT ALL INFORMATION SUPPLIED ABOVE IS TRUE AND CORRECT TO THE
BEST OF MY KNOWLEDGE UNDER PENALTY OF DEATH, DISMEMBERMENT, NATIVE
AMERICAN ANT TORTURE, CRUCIFIXION, ELECTROCUTION, CHINESE WATER TORTURE,
RED HOT POKERS, AND HILLARY CLINTON KISS TORTURE.
__________________________________________
Signature (that means sign your name, moron)
Thank you for your interest. Please allow four to six years for
processing. You will be contacted in writing if you are approved. Please
do not try to call or write (sine you probably can*t, and it would cause
you injury). If your application is rejected you will be notified by two
gentlemen wearing white ties and carrying violin cases (You might watch
your back).